Overcoming Low Self Esteem
Overcoming Low Self Esteem:
Growing up I participated in a number of activities intended to help me grow in poise and confidence. Dance, modeling, and pageants each came with its own numeric system to measure my worth. Ballet gauged my feet and legs, pageants judged the way I spoke, walked and even the length of my hem. In fact I lost a title by 3/10 of a point because my helm didn’t sweep the floor when I walked. The solid interviews and dance numbers were all a wash because of that hem. In modeling it was my weight, my face and sex appeal.
The Root of Low Self Worth:
Naturally, those formative years are exactly that, extremely impactful and shaping. As an adult I find myself being influenced by those experiences in a negative way. I have struggled with low self esteem for a large part of my life. Even at 37 years old I find myself using those same systems on myself and those around me. Beautiful 6 out of 10, creative 4 out of 5, good for 50 years old…. Ahead by 3/10 of a point.
Beautiful Like:
Moreover, when did being beautiful YOU, stop being beautiful? In society the judgment rating only continues, a booty like JLo, hair like Jenn, style like Joanna, skin like Hallie, legs like Giselle, never a message that states made like you. From young to wise these archaic gauges of beauty have plagued women worldwide. We get into a relationship with If, then statements. If you are……then you are more valuable, more desirable.
The Cycle Continues:
When I was a Dean of 6th grade I saw this ugly cycle repeat itself over and over again. In Middle School a few popular girls set the tone for value and beauty in a matter of days, it rippled from the very top to the kids were desperate to fit in. The currency was a brand name backpack one week, the next an eighty dollar water bottle. Then a month later satin scrunchies straight out of the 80s which made you or broke you. And if the guy you liked wore one of your scrunchies then your worth was noted and idolized.
Enough is Enough :
Finally, at 37, I have had enough!! Instead I am going to try to embrace a new mentality: Beautiful Like Me… just as I am, no filters or adjustments needed. This includes my ridged bottom teeth, my creepy skin, acne scars and sometimes frizzy hair. When my daughter Rose was born one of my prayers for her was that she would be confident in who she was made to be. From the fine hair on her head to her cute little toes. I don’t want to see her entrapped by the whispers of society that are intended to detract from her infinite value. The value her Father in Heaven assigned her when He called her into being. Here are 7 effective ways to overcome low self esteem and be a model of true beauty for those around you. Young Girls are watching, Young girls are hurting. Make it count for yourself and for them.
Throw Out Any Triggers:
One of the most important things you can do when trying to grow in confidence is to identify what triggers you. What are the things that make you feel less than? For me it was magazines, those unrealistic representations of the standard of beauty. It has been years since I have picked up a fashion magazine because they aren’t worth my time.Nor do they build me up. Therefore, I haven’t any room for them, because making space for the things that fill you should be your top priority
Avoid the Comparison Trap:
For milenia women have been horrible to women. It is as if we think we become more beautiful and more powerful when we tear others down. But that simply isn’t true. This world is full of beautiful people, but that doesn’t make you any less beautiful. Soapy dramas, and reality tv paint these pictures of women who are surrounded in negativity and nastiness. Life is way too short to live like that, we deserve better than the comparison trap.
Practice Self Love Everyday :
Words of Affirmations are powerful things, in practicing self love with your words, you can also practice gratefulness. For example I may say “ I am grateful for my height because I can help get things off the top shelf at the store when people can’t reach an item.” You may laugh but I get asked for help in the supermarket quite often. That’s one positive thing that came from ballet is that I walk tall, and I reach even taller lol!
Realize that Insecurity is a Form of Vanity:
This statement jumped off the page at me in a women’s bible study, and it nearly knocked me off my chair. I had highlighted the passage and did all my homework that week, but somehow I missed the deep significance. It was as if Jesus was giving me a stern talking to..my insecurity was rooted in the sin of vanity. The time I spent fixated on my insecurities could have been delegated to something life giving. Jesus wasn’t shaming me, He was just showing me how much He loved me. Exactly as He made me. Might He be saying the same thing to you?
Acknowledge Your Insecurities, Then Release Them:
In my twenties I really struggled with insecurity around the size of my chest. It seemed that every woman on the planet had boobs except me. Those closest to me heard my complaints on a daily basis, and my sister Charity heard about it the most. On a summer day she took me to the mall to go bra shopping. I didn’t realize that this adventure would make for a lesson on self love, but she did.
The Bra of All Bras:
We arrived at the bra store passing the neatly organized panty bar and pink striped walls. We were on a mission to find the bra… the one advertised on television that claimed to add two cup sizes with ease.A very eager sales girl grabbed her measuring tape from around her neck, lassoing my trunk to quickly size me. She exclaimed “that I needed the Bombshell bra in a 36 blah blah and a dressing room immediately.”
The Bombshell Goes Bust:
Moments later I had the Bombshell in every color including sassy leopard print. It was truly the memory foam mattress of bras. Charity and I laughed as I tried on my new threads.. It definitely made me appear shapely, so we bought it. What I didn’t realize was that wearing that thing would make me feel trapped, and even more insecure. Charity straight schooled me, the bra acted as a catalyst for the words those around me kept saying but I failed to hear. At that moment I decided to embrace my body, unpadded and literally free. Of course I still struggle from time to time, like anyone else. But when we accept our insecurities and release them, they no longer have power over our value.
Find Your Value In God Alone:
Lastly, and most importantly your worth should never be defined by someone else. Your true and unaltered beauty comes from Jesus himself, He made no mistakes in creating you. Take back the power from social media, television and Hollywood. Some of the “prettiest people” seem to be the saddest and I think it is because they have forgotten their beautiful.
Check Out these Great Books on Self Esteem:
-Patience
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