Raising Multi-Racial Children
To Begin, in writing this post the other woman involved in this story isn’t the villain in this story. Though a player, she didn’t say the things she said out of malice. But rather out of a lack of exposure to multiracial kids. Raising Mixed Raced Children when the world only sees color places you in unique situations constanly. But just because the similarities aren’t spotted by strangers doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Raising Mixed Kids in a World That Only Sees Color:
My children are mixed race, 75% white and 25% black, no matter their ratios they are beautiful and reflections of their father and I. For some reason people get uncomfortable when a child doesn’t look exactly like their child. Even More, their comments reflect this discomfort, as we all can’t be twins like Reese Witherspoon and her daughter ( nothing wrong with that either.). Clearly some of the comments don’t take me into consideration or my other half:
“ They look nothing like you.”
“What happened to your genes?”
“Were your kids switched at birth.”
“You were just the surrogate.”
You Are Not the Same:
In all fairness, I get how individuals arrive at this conclusion. My hair is dark brown, and my skin caramelish. Whereas my husband is the color of oatmeal and has light brown hair and eyes. Put those two together you get a dark blonde, and blondie with red highlights,both with differing shades of hazel eyes. Consequently, if one stops at the superficial that is all they will see. Delve a little deeper and they will see that my son has my smile, and daughter my perky ears, and goofy personality.
The Look of a Mama:
Considerably, being a mama isn’t all about looks, it’s much more.
Recently, I was asked to help in my sons’ nursery class as a support volunteer. As the other teacher arrived she smiled and greeted all the kids. She was his usual teacher and had been for nearly a year. As time transpired she kept talking about my son. “ He has warmed up this week, I am proud of him.” “He loves dancing,” she said.
To which I responded “ yes I know he dances at home all the time.”
A Missed Connection:
At this time, I saw that he hit one of his classmates and I asked him if he needed a timeout. Meanwhile, his dad brought me a morning coffee, a Sunday tradition. Naturally, our son wanted up but he was needed elsewhere. My son was upset and I comforted him with a snack from my purse and an abundance of kisses on the head.The teacher asked “is that the dad?”
To which I responded “ yes, it is.”
After quite some time she finally asked “ are you the mom?”
I said “yes.”
And she said “ I didn’t make the connection.”
That's It?
Undoubtedly, some of you are thinking: you are overreacting. But I was dismissed from the role of mother inadvertently because from her viewpoint we didn’t match. It is absolutely okay to see color, as it’s beautiful. Moreover, seeing color only becomes haphazard when one color is preferred over the other. Unabashedly, the comments do hurt they make me feel as if I have to justify my family, when others don’t.
I See You Mama:
Furthermore, a mother washes faces, disciplines a child in love, and comforts them with limitless love when the tears form. Without a doubt, this is true of mothers who give birth and those that become mamas through adoption. The look and feel of a mother is infinite and can not be confined to what the eyes of others choose to see.
Parenting Requires Discipline :
Importantly race conversations don’t have to be uncomfortable, in fact it is an opportunity to connect with others and celebrate diversity. I love the story of my children and am happy to share it with those around me.
Lastly, to the mama who has adopted or has children that differ in skin tone from yours. I see you and I understand you.
A great little story about being mixed.
-Patience
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