Postpartum Confessions
I have always heard women say that your body changes after a baby. Though, until very recently no one really talked about how exactly it changes. It’s almost as though it was indecent to discuss such a personal story.
I decided in starting this blog, that I would share my postpartum story with the honey and bee stings, holding nothing back. I am a woman, I am a mom and I have walked a postpartum journey twice. I am fully aware there are far worse things plaguing people in this world. Even still, there is power in sharing my truths and struggles with you and myself.
After I had my second baby I experienced significantly more postpartum symptoms. I had the classic acne, fatigue, aversions to food, mood swings and hair fall. In fact every time I showered it looked as if a muppet were drowning in my shower pan. This maddening experience drove me to get the Pinterest popular Rezo cut, a homage to flash dance circa the 80’s. Yep, in the middle of a global Pandemic I ventured out to get bangs on unruly, ringlet curly hair. Needless to say, it looked great on the ladies on Pinterest but not so much on me. Thank Jesus for hair straighteners and snap clips. The honey in that is that my husband and I had a few good laughs, especially on extra windy days, can you say poodle?
So beyond the classic postpartum symptoms came the unexpected ones. A month-long period, sudden crying fits, memory fog, chest pains, a bout of mastitis, and bleeding breasts. As a teacher, I had to pump daily and the constant use of the pump damaged my breast tissue. Once I finished breastfeeding and pumping I thought that the side effects would slowly reverse, but they didn’t.
Full disclosure, I had always wanted bigger boobs for as long as I can remember. So, when I heard that pregnancy encourages an increase in cup size, I was thrilled. But for me my breasts grew only to shrink, leaving behind craters and holes in some areas.
I am so grateful for my children and this body that housed them. In fact, penning that I struggle with confidence in being small chested after having them, makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. But the shame doesn’t make it any less real. I have cried trying on swimsuits, and harshly compared myself to other mom bodies. This is my insecurity, my bee sting.
She reminded me that self pity and dwelling on my small chest( 1st world problem) was a waste of energy and time.
Recently, I shared these feelings with my sister and with her sage wisdom and dependable love she set me straight. She reminded me that self pity and dwelling on my small chest( 1st world problem) was a waste of energy and time. And, she is absolutely correct. So I have decided to work on a different approach, when it comes to how I view my body. Whenever, I am feeling ungrateful or insecure I recite the following body creed to myself:
BODY CREED:
I am grateful for my body, the way it looks, works and moves. It was perfectly crafted by God and it has been a haven for my children. My body nurtures, loves, and embraces those around me. It ought to be valued and treasured, instead of being criticized and dissected. I am beautiful.
Perhaps if you have your own body insecurities this creed will help you see the beauty in yourself. When the bees sting, find the honey.
-Patience
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