How to Overcome Childhood Abandonment Issues
Much like broken glass, abandonment is the force that fractures your heart into shards. Causing a chain reaction of bad habits and painful patterns. In fact you distrust those around you, especially those closest to you, friends, family, your spouse, no one is safe. Try as you might you place a bandaid over all the broken pieces hoping they will somehow fuse together as time goes by….but they don’t. Overcoming childhood abandonment issues isn’t easy, because another person causes the break.
When a loved one leaves you by choice or in death your once sure footing becomes a crumbling, rocky path laden with landmines of doubt. You tell yourself that you could have made the person stay if you pleased them more or earned their approval. In turn, you search for comfort in all the wrong people perpetuating the cycle of brokenness. Which only triggers the anguish of the past: and produces more shatters and fresh scars.
Shatters and Scars:
When a loved one leaves you by choice or in death your once sure footing becomes a crumbling, rocky path laden with landmines of doubt. You tell yourself that you could have made the person stay if you pleased them more or earned their approval. In turn, you search for comfort in all the wrong people perpetuating the cycle of brokenness. Which only triggers the anguish of the past: and produces more shatters and fresh scars.
A Pathway Towards Healing
Undoubtedly, I am no professional therapist , however, I have experienced abandonment in varying forms throughout my life. I know first hand the trajectory panic attacks send you on. With your mind, body and soul under attack, you retreat deep into yourself in search of anything resembling security. When abandonment robs you of your peace it is vitally important that you reset your mind, body and soul using healthy avenues. The pathway towards healing is never easy, but there is power in working towards recovery, on a daily basis if need be.
Body:
Eat Healthy:
The impact of stress can manifest itself anywhere in the body. I find that when I am triggered I tend not to eat enough or drink enough water. My stress is held in my stomach, but it is still important to seek energy and good nutrition during these times, in order to have the energy to reset.
Magnesium
My sister Charity told me that a wise friend of hers always recommends eating more green fruit and vegetables especially during trying times. Green fruits and vegetables have chlorophyll, which is mainly made up of magnesium. Magnesium can help ease anxiety attacks, regulate mood changes and provide energy to the body. I especially like this powdered supplement by Natural Vitality that you add to your water daily.
Prioritize Working Out :
Naturally, eating well and exercising go hand in hand. Getting out in the fresh air or doing an exercise that motivates and recharges you will help balance your body and mind. If your body isn’t fueled with the right things then you can do the mind and soul work.
Mind :
Play Uplifting Music:
I adore music and find that it helps to quiet my mind. One of my favorite songs at present is called “Peace,” by Hillsong United. It is an honest and direct expose of sorts that truly demonstrates what being robbed of peace looks and feels like. Most importantly, the song beautifully reminds the listener, myself included, how Jesus restores that peace so lovingly.
Identify Your Triggers :
This is a technique I learned from a program called Celebrate Recovery. I attended this group when I lost my mum to cancer, and my life seemed to be in a state of tumultuous uproar. Completely depleted of joy, this study breathed new life into me. I learned that I have abandonment issues from childhood that impacted a lot of my thinking and the life choices I made. It showed me tools to help me find peace when triggered and provided me with a community I never knew existed in the church.
When you are experiencing a panic attack or a flair up in abandonment issues it is important to identify the root cause of the problem and work your way out of it. Here are a couple of ways to do so.
Journal Through It:
Getting your thoughts on paper can help in redirecting your thoughts. During times of panic, rationale tends to go out the window. If you can unpack some of the weight of those thoughts it is easier to address those pains and hurts, while healing along the way.
Seek Godly Counsel :
My now husband and I called off our engagement 5 weeks before our wedding date. Through wise counsel, and a now dear friend we realized we had some work to do before we could get married. After a year of hard work, self reflection and healing we got married. Fast forward five and half years later our marriage is thriving and we have two beautiful children. Without that counsel I don’t think we would have made it, if we had ignored his advice that day . Find godly counsel from your church or through someone you trust, therapy is healthy.
Soul:
Share with a Trusted Friend:
Finding a community of friends can always be instrumental in finding peace and learning to trust others. God has blessed me with a group of women I can call or text when my triggers are set in motion. They offer words of wisdom, prayers and more importantly accountability. They will hold me accountable to take steps to get back to a place of wellness.
Pray Often:
Isolate yourself in the quiet of His presence and He will meet you. Write your prayers down, prayer is the most powerful superpower there is. And it is a beautiful catalyst for peace, soul deep peace.
Meditate on God's Word:
Even if you only have five minutes in the day, read what God has to say about you. He loves you, beautifully shattered you.
Take Time to Grieve:
Allow yourself space to grieve and this process looks different for different people. This step is about self care: cry, journal, create something, pray, dance, bask in the sunshine. Feel the sadness and then try to release it. Healing takes time so you must be patient with yourself on this journey.
-Patience
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