How to Manage Children’s Fears
Handling Children's Fear:
As parents we strive to minimize how many times our children are subjected to scary things. Primarily, we monitor the shows they watch and read, in order to control the environments they are a part of. But what happens when your child is exposed to something that scares them to their tiny little core? Handling children’s fears with care is vital.
How to help Children Manage Their Fears:
Our daughter Rose was shown a well meaning, but poorly executed book about Halloween in her Sunday School class. Instead of gaining peace, and trust in Jesus,she was left with night terrors, and the fear of being alone. In addition, she worried that evil spirits would possess her, just as they did the animals in the story. Fear was here and it needed to be handled using a biblical lens.
Understanding Fear in Children:
Naturally, my first instinct was to talk the fear away, but that didn’t help. Unfortunately, the fear continued. Undoubtedly, the wise counsel from dear friends reminded us that striving to raise Christian children involves a forgotten spiritual element.Consequently, spiritual warfare begins even at the tender age of three and a half.
Through this experience I discovered four simple ways to help your children navigate the things that scare them using a biblical lens. With this lens in place children will be empowered as they grow spiritually.
Four Steps:
I didn’t get my license until the age of 21 for one simple reason, an incredible fear of driving on the highway. Once I was given the freedom to drive, the challenge then became how I would get from point A to B without the use of a highway. Though it doubled my drive time, my fear was a force that couldn’t be negotiated with.
Fear Can Be Conquered:
Naturally, many people teased me, or scoffed at my fear. They would say “the highway is the safest place to drive”.
To which I would respond “not from my seat it isn’t, it’s horrifying.”
When I started dating my husband he was so kind in the way he validated my fear. He rode snowboards, motorcycles and jet skis all at high speeds, speed didn’t scare him an iota. Scott made it his personal mission to get me on the highway. His approach was calm, direct and very patient while listening to my reservations. I set the pace as we conquered one step , or in this case one exit at a time. Consequently, the fear began to fade when I felt that I was in control. So we used this same approach with Rose, and the very real horror she was feeling.
See The Fear From Your Child’s View Point :
- See The Fear From Your Child’s View Point : When Rose was given a quiet place to share her fears she was able to do so eloquently. She identified where she read the book, what the pictures looked like. More importantly, she shared what exactly it was that was worrying her. We discussed things that would help her to feel less scared. One thing she mentioned was moving into her brothers room for a little while. In turn, we honored that request as it was reasonable and very doable.
The Book is No More:
We prayed with Rose for many days addressing her angst. She was worried about that book being at Sunday School. Obviously, the book had to go, so we traded another book for that one. Rose decided that it should go in the recycling bin, which is exactly where it went. It may seem a harsh gesture but it gave Rose a sense of empowerment.
Use the Scriptures to Empower Your Child:
Moreover scripture is a powerful tool to use against fear. Children need to know the word of God at a young age, as it will sustain them in life. So we gave her words to match her actions directly from the Bible Phrases like:
“ In the Name of Jesus I am Safe.”
“Jesus Does Not Give Me a Spirit of Fear.”
“ I am a Child of God.”
“ Jesus Loves Me.”
Remember the Spiritual Warfare is Real and Constant:
Obviously, I didn’t like that Rose was feeling scared and I wanted to fix it. But in reality I was beautifully reminded that as we raise her to know Jesus the spiritual work begins even now. There will be other exposures and things that cause waves.
Don’t be afraid to implore those around you to pray for the fears of your child. The wise women that I sought for counsel, prayed for her, and gave such loving and motherly advice. They celebrated when they saw her rejoicing after several nights of peaceful sleep. Rose learned some very important lessons, but the most clear one was that “ Jesus loves her.” She sings it to herself as she peacefully falls asleep in the most capable arms of her Father.
Pray for Gentleness :
Gentleness in correction can be one of the most loving applications of this virtue. Sometimes my daughter Rose will do something naughty then turns to see how I will react. Yelling, at times, has been my first reaction, which doesn’t serve anyone in that situation. But the times where gentleness is my approach, the learning is exponential and our relationship remains strengthened and intact. Not only is my gentleness evident in that moment, more my kids are seeing the outpouring of God’s gentleness in me. That’s power, Amen!
I highly recommend getting a bible that is age appropriate for young children. This Jesus Storybook Bible is a great place to start.
-Patience
Recent Comments